bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
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