Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
this is an emotional support booty call
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Randomize
