My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Randomize
