Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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