Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
