If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
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How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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