At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
