alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
