it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
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