Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
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