Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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