he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
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