What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
I smell like Dick and happiness
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