I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
