You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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