I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
Randomize
