maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
My Instagram consists mostly of drag queens and people who dress up as power rangers... I'm pretty sure I'm an unclassified category of gay
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
i projectile vomited shoeless at 7:30 a.m. in a taco bell parking lot. never again.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Randomize
