I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
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for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
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