Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
