So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
my mom tried to talk to me about my drinking, i somehow turned it around on her, now shes going to AA and I'm going to the bar.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
