the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
