My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
