Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
Randomize
