apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
