Do the low cut shirt test. If he stares at your tits even in front of your brother, he's down.
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
