I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
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