He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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