Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
Randomize
