I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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