How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
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