I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Randomize