Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
Randomize