just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
