Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
If there was a game called "keeping your legs shut," I would lose every time.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
