i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We need to get me chipped asap
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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