the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
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Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
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I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
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