FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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