i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
wow, i just saw a girl period all over the floor. get my shoes
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
