Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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