My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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