i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
