Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
