ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
