So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
