Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
Good luck man
I dont need it. Shes easy.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
Randomize
