Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
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