I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
