there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
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