And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I have vodka and 50 pizza rolls best spring break ever
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
Randomize
