but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Randomize
