He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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