This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
He passed out mid-signature
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
