make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I'm getting the same feeling waiting for the web-page to load that has my final grades that I get when I take a pregnancy test. I think I'm gonna leave my computer for 3 minutes.
Shit sorry. Maybe I wont give you this sweet ass fanny pack I found in my parents attic
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
You wouldn't happen to know why there's an inflatable monkey riding a mattress on my roof would you?
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
