It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
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