So I thought I was slick leaving his room this morning all incognito. Little did I know I was wearing his football jersey with his name across the back... stilettos & my bra was left behind. never seeing that again
And the cops told us we were all naked.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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