I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize