On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
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