Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
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