Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
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