ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
i wish my penis had a tongue
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
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