grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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