cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
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