I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
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