New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Randomize
