I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
Randomize
