you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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